This week has been interesting. Im living with asha while I wait to get my new place (tomorrow) and Ive been sleep training Nod (who is fantastic might I add!)... while working on essays, fixing legal papers, and studyning for my midterm. Today was not really a day of peace, though it began well. I read my scriptures, said my prayers, pondered on moving to Utah (or elsewhere for school)... But then the packing and moving began, and this pain appeared in my chest and remained... ALL DAY.
I think the pain has to do with a few things; Im sad about leaving my apartment, and also Im a little sad about valentines. This year Im not going to be married or single for valentines day. Kind of frusterating... think of it this way. Married people have their spouse to love and hold and such, single people can at least hope that some secret admirer will send them something, or they will meet someone at the dance or something... I am neither married nor single. There is no hope. Or at least, there shouldnt be. Unless I disregard the rules. OR I could just focus on the love I have from other places. CC and Dee, My parents, Nod, My two best friends Kings and Jair... Im sure they will all be mine for valentines day, so I dont need to mope around... alright, Im done complaining (I blame asha who pointed this Vday thing out to me a minute ago)

and now, a different thought...
So let me share what I learned at Institute this week.
I learned about the importance of out thoughts.
The lesson was supposed to be on 'pondering'... It was Helamen 6-10 I think, we read about Nephi pondering the things that the Lord had shown him, and receving some amazing revelation. We then looked at modern day examples of prophets receiving important revelation after pondering. The sense I started to get is that our thoughts have a huge deal of importance!! I then began to wonder what had been on my mind lately... and I was a bit ashamed. Ok, maybe a poor word choice, but I really think there are more important things to focus my thoughts on than the things I have been focusing on. So I decided that certain things would be cut from my mind until further notice...
or at least, thats what I told myself... until I found I couldnt stop thinking about it. There are some things, or some people, that have been in my mind for so long that I couldnt just remove them that easily. Its going to take some getting used to. So you know what I did? I decided what kinds of things I *should* be focusing my thoughts on... "Seek learning, even by study, and also by faith"... so... My list started with populism, feminism, democracy, Churchill etc. The things which I study. Then I included things of faith, the gospel, the scriptures Ive been reading, my testimony. So, when a certain unwanted thought came into my mind I thought *populism is...* or I recited my favorite scripture.
And you know what? I began to have a portion of Empathy towards D and his pornography addiction. Now, I know my thoughts werent actually *bad*, but they were consuming... what I mean by that is that I spent a lot of time focused on these certain things. Things of no importance really. Not when I have a baby to look after, a paper to write, and an apartment to pack. D did the same thing, he spent his time thinking unwanted thoughts, and then he had a difficult time changing his behaivior because his mind was so addicted to those thoughts.
Now dont go on thinking Ive got some huge sin on my mind, I dont, I just realised how tough it would be if I did. I feel sorry for D. And for others in similar situations. It would take a lot of control, effort, faith and such to get beyond something like that.

xo
Wink