I am NOT having fun filing for this divorce (not atht i thought it would be fun haha). I bought a divorce kit because D and I seemed to agree on everything as far as custody and such goes. Then last week he called and told me more about what he wants... and now the search for a Lawyer begins. He wants to be able to provide "spiritual guidance" for Nod, and wants it written in the contract! Whatever, that is the whole reason I am leaving him, so that he doesn't have spiritual involvement in her life! He thinks Im going to ... how did he put it... something like brainwash her, but he used a different word. Honestly, no matter how i raise her, sh will still have agency to choose another way, he obviously did.
I know that the Lord will provide a way, and although I am frustrated with D, I am not afraid of the situation. It will be years before she is old enough to understand anything he says, and by then Im sure I will have custody and everything worked out so that she is as safe as possible (spiritually, physically, emotionally).
However, now I turn to you- whomever you may be- for advice. Im looking for a good lawyer. This Lawyer would hopefully be a person of faith (not necessarilyof my faith, just a believer in something bigger than them-self), and hopefully someone who could take on a probono case... considering Im a stay at home single mom and my only income is my child tax benefit and little crafts I sell. anybody know anybody who knows anybody?
Ok, well off to my ToDo list. the most depressing list too, considering its pretty much all about the divorce. But hey, once this is over, its over, and that will be a relief!! For those of you who don't have advice in this matter, don't worry, we also need prayers! Lots and Lots and LOTS!
Thank you for the prayers you have already prayed, and those that will be coming... and all other support we have been given on this journey.
Love Winken
Monday, June 21, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Just thinking here. Not having the best week ever. I just really miss my life. I miss having a best friend/partner/love! Nod is having a tough time sleeping, which also leaves me sleep deprived... And I wish I had a husband to take a shift! D was always so good at that kinda thing... Well not so good at calming her down, but good at giving me a break.
I also miss having someone to lay in bed with and talk to at night. It's a lonely life now. Brosie is cute and fun, but the only word she can say is "dada" which is actually quite depressing for me.
Gosh, I hate complaining. I need to get over this! You know what? Everyone has it hard! That's the way life is supposed to be! I read recently "happiness depends on our responses to the difficulties in life". So true! Happiness comes from within... We all have these difficulties... my job is to learn to overcome this trial!
The other day I made some comment on facebook about missing my life. Nine of my friends responded to it encouraging me... and ya know what... None of them have it easy! Three of them have been single moms, atleast three others suffer from depression, two have children with dissabilities, one has an extremly sick and unhappy toddler, one had to place a baby for adoption, and one recently lost her mother. None of their trials are any easier than mine. I don't really want to trade places with them.
Divorce, or being "alone" is the one thing I never thought I could do. I contemplated it a year ago (when things first changed for D), but thought that even if it was the right thing, it was impossible for me. What a blessing this is for me! Now I will be able to know that I can do anything. I really can... With the Lord of course. He makes me stronger than imaginable. Now I cannot doubt His power, for He has lifted me through. The Savior has given me wings. What a blessing that my testimony is able to grow like this.
Now this is more like it! This is the right attitude. *sigh* sorry if I was all over the place with this post, I just had to write myself through this. I guess I could go edit now, but I like it this way. Rough and uncut, the real me.
In conclusion? Yeah I still miss D and my old life. I miss my friends back there, my sisters, my ward, and those darn cute kids next door! But, it's worth it. Its worth giving up all of that to know my Savior better. I just need to remember this post when the down times come, as I'm sure they will.
How are you getting to know your Savior better? I'd love to hear... Post a comment!!
I also miss having someone to lay in bed with and talk to at night. It's a lonely life now. Brosie is cute and fun, but the only word she can say is "dada" which is actually quite depressing for me.
Gosh, I hate complaining. I need to get over this! You know what? Everyone has it hard! That's the way life is supposed to be! I read recently "happiness depends on our responses to the difficulties in life". So true! Happiness comes from within... We all have these difficulties... my job is to learn to overcome this trial!
The other day I made some comment on facebook about missing my life. Nine of my friends responded to it encouraging me... and ya know what... None of them have it easy! Three of them have been single moms, atleast three others suffer from depression, two have children with dissabilities, one has an extremly sick and unhappy toddler, one had to place a baby for adoption, and one recently lost her mother. None of their trials are any easier than mine. I don't really want to trade places with them.
Divorce, or being "alone" is the one thing I never thought I could do. I contemplated it a year ago (when things first changed for D), but thought that even if it was the right thing, it was impossible for me. What a blessing this is for me! Now I will be able to know that I can do anything. I really can... With the Lord of course. He makes me stronger than imaginable. Now I cannot doubt His power, for He has lifted me through. The Savior has given me wings. What a blessing that my testimony is able to grow like this.
Now this is more like it! This is the right attitude. *sigh* sorry if I was all over the place with this post, I just had to write myself through this. I guess I could go edit now, but I like it this way. Rough and uncut, the real me.
In conclusion? Yeah I still miss D and my old life. I miss my friends back there, my sisters, my ward, and those darn cute kids next door! But, it's worth it. Its worth giving up all of that to know my Savior better. I just need to remember this post when the down times come, as I'm sure they will.
How are you getting to know your Savior better? I'd love to hear... Post a comment!!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Some Important Shopping To Do
Last night for Institute we studied Elder D. Todd Christofferson's conference talk. To start off the class we watched one of those "mormon messages" that he had been featured in. There were only four of us in class so far, four girls, and most of the girls giggled as they saw that the video clip was entitled "Let Us Be Men". My dad (our teacher) pointed out that it was just as important for us girls, if not more so, to know what makes great men.He warned us to be careful that we choose this kind of man, a Christ-like man, as we "shop" around for that most important commodity, a husband. The way my dad put it "shop around" is kind of funny, and it gave me an idea... a little analogy I thought I would share about my experiences lately.
Passing the safety inspection does not a good vehicle make... but does it make a good date?
Divorce is an interesting thing. I thought it would make me miserable, but actually I couldn't be more wrong.When you are doing the right thing, life is good! When I was with D, I did my best to make things work. I was constantly worrying about church, and his testimony, and his problems. I had to wake him up in the afternoon so he didnt sleep all day, I had to encourage him to work so we could pay bills... I had a lot of stress on me! Now that we have decided on divorce, a lot of my stresses have been taken away. The separation hasnt been easy, it has been gray and foundation-less... But knowing it will end in divorce is knowing there will be an end to the madness! It is exciting to know that life will go on, and that this will make me stronger. It is enlightening to know that I get to try again, and do better this time.
And, to be honest, trying again means dating again. Dating can be scary and miserable, but when you date right it can be exhilarating (or so I'm told )! Obviously I can't date yet, I've got a couple more months till the whole divorce thing goes through (my goal is September) .. But I have been open to get to know new people.
This getting to know phase is great! When I meet a guy I can be as open and honest as I want. There is no pressure to go on a date, cause I cant! I just get to ask questions and weed through all the duds. After my dad used the word shopping, I decided to compare dating to shopping for a car. During this time I get to run the men i meet through a "safety inspection" of sorts and decide if they will be "road safe" or date safe in the future.
And Im learning already! It seems that passing a safety inspection is not enough anymore... or maybe it was never enough and I just thought it was. I mean, just because a car can brake does not mean it has the horse power to speed out of a dangerous situation!! So I ask all sorts of questions, all the right questions too.. and so far Ive been given the right answers usually. At first I thought it was the answers that mattered, but that's what got me into trouble before!! A safety check is too easy, everyone knows what they are supposed to answer. D knew the right answers when we were dating, but that didnt mean he had his own real testimony of Christ.
Behind the answers lies a person! A person who is becoming something! Becoming a safe, or unsafe "vehicle".... or as Elder Christofferson said, becoming more or less like Christ. I recently got to know one person who got every question right. At first I was enthusiastic, thinking this was awesome!! He was attractive, funny, and had a great truck (yes I am a sucker for a nice truck haha). But as we talked, I became unsure about how safe a date he would be. Did he have the extra safety features Im looking for? He passed the safety check, but he what about an ABS brake system, or airbags, or a good loud horn, or the right kind of horse power.
I went into this divorce situation expecting to find that nobody would be interested in a single mom.... but (and lets go back to our car shopping analogy again) found this really attractive mustang convertable! It had power steering, power locks, power windows... All the bells and whistles... But safety features? I really dont think so! I lamented a while about the mustang... but how safe is a mustang when you've got a baby? I think I'll be looking for one of those safer mini vans instead. My sister thinks maybe a mustnag can turn into a minivan (haha) but Im not so sure. Thats kind of what happened with D right? I was picky, but some small details I looked over, I thought our love could withstand anything... and if it had been founded in christ than it would have! ... but i think I'll be even pickier while car shopping this time.
Yeah it may be a dumb analogy, but I thought I'd share anyways. I sure hope that me talking about dating again doesnt offend anyone.... but it is really going to happen again, if I was never going to date again, I could have just stayed with D, but the point here is to be married in the temple, and I need to look for someone who can take us there.
Love you all!
Winken ;)
Passing the safety inspection does not a good vehicle make... but does it make a good date?
Divorce is an interesting thing. I thought it would make me miserable, but actually I couldn't be more wrong.When you are doing the right thing, life is good! When I was with D, I did my best to make things work. I was constantly worrying about church, and his testimony, and his problems. I had to wake him up in the afternoon so he didnt sleep all day, I had to encourage him to work so we could pay bills... I had a lot of stress on me! Now that we have decided on divorce, a lot of my stresses have been taken away. The separation hasnt been easy, it has been gray and foundation-less... But knowing it will end in divorce is knowing there will be an end to the madness! It is exciting to know that life will go on, and that this will make me stronger. It is enlightening to know that I get to try again, and do better this time.
And, to be honest, trying again means dating again. Dating can be scary and miserable, but when you date right it can be exhilarating (or so I'm told )! Obviously I can't date yet, I've got a couple more months till the whole divorce thing goes through (my goal is September) .. But I have been open to get to know new people.
This getting to know phase is great! When I meet a guy I can be as open and honest as I want. There is no pressure to go on a date, cause I cant! I just get to ask questions and weed through all the duds. After my dad used the word shopping, I decided to compare dating to shopping for a car. During this time I get to run the men i meet through a "safety inspection" of sorts and decide if they will be "road safe" or date safe in the future.
And Im learning already! It seems that passing a safety inspection is not enough anymore... or maybe it was never enough and I just thought it was. I mean, just because a car can brake does not mean it has the horse power to speed out of a dangerous situation!! So I ask all sorts of questions, all the right questions too.. and so far Ive been given the right answers usually. At first I thought it was the answers that mattered, but that's what got me into trouble before!! A safety check is too easy, everyone knows what they are supposed to answer. D knew the right answers when we were dating, but that didnt mean he had his own real testimony of Christ.
Behind the answers lies a person! A person who is becoming something! Becoming a safe, or unsafe "vehicle".... or as Elder Christofferson said, becoming more or less like Christ. I recently got to know one person who got every question right. At first I was enthusiastic, thinking this was awesome!! He was attractive, funny, and had a great truck (yes I am a sucker for a nice truck haha). But as we talked, I became unsure about how safe a date he would be. Did he have the extra safety features Im looking for? He passed the safety check, but he what about an ABS brake system, or airbags, or a good loud horn, or the right kind of horse power.
I went into this divorce situation expecting to find that nobody would be interested in a single mom.... but (and lets go back to our car shopping analogy again) found this really attractive mustang convertable! It had power steering, power locks, power windows... All the bells and whistles... But safety features? I really dont think so! I lamented a while about the mustang... but how safe is a mustang when you've got a baby? I think I'll be looking for one of those safer mini vans instead. My sister thinks maybe a mustnag can turn into a minivan (haha) but Im not so sure. Thats kind of what happened with D right? I was picky, but some small details I looked over, I thought our love could withstand anything... and if it had been founded in christ than it would have! ... but i think I'll be even pickier while car shopping this time.
Yeah it may be a dumb analogy, but I thought I'd share anyways. I sure hope that me talking about dating again doesnt offend anyone.... but it is really going to happen again, if I was never going to date again, I could have just stayed with D, but the point here is to be married in the temple, and I need to look for someone who can take us there.
Love you all!
Winken ;)
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Single Momyhood= Leprocy??
Today I realized how grateful I am to be in this great little town! I really complained about this place all the time when I was in High School, but I'm starting to love it! Well, back in High School I was *eh em* less than popular, so I guess I had more to complain about back then. Now that I'm away from, you know, the kids spitting on me in the halls and kicking me in the shins, I'm loving My Town!
People at church, they don't care that I wasn't popular in High School, and even better, they don't seem to care that I'm a single mom!! I have both new and old friends at church. I go to a playgroup every week with a bunch of other young moms, and I also have the privilege of reconnecting with the families that have been here for a long time, and have pretty much helped raise me! They all have great advice for me in my situation, and are loving and supportive always.... so to them... a big THANKYOU :D
Now, Let me complain a bit
I have been going to institute in the "city"... and seriously, the kids there treat me like a leper! Yes, I brought lil Nod, so they all know I'm a mom... but that's really all they know. Nobody has bothered to ask, and I know its an awkward conversation, but its better than them thinking all sorts of other things about me! Last week, EVERYONE was invited to ice cream, ... oh but not me! They didn't even look at me! Not even the kids I know! I went to Edmonton last weekend, and even strangers there (in YSA) were kind and open to me! Gah! Lets beat up 4th branch ok? Hahaha.
Ok, Im donte complaining. Im going out of my way to say hi more and more often, and maybe one day they won look at me like Im diseased.
And Just for fun, Here's a pic of Nod's new little Teethers! They are bigger now (a couple weeks later)... but here they are just budding!
People at church, they don't care that I wasn't popular in High School, and even better, they don't seem to care that I'm a single mom!! I have both new and old friends at church. I go to a playgroup every week with a bunch of other young moms, and I also have the privilege of reconnecting with the families that have been here for a long time, and have pretty much helped raise me! They all have great advice for me in my situation, and are loving and supportive always.... so to them... a big THANKYOU :D
Now, Let me complain a bit
I have been going to institute in the "city"... and seriously, the kids there treat me like a leper! Yes, I brought lil Nod, so they all know I'm a mom... but that's really all they know. Nobody has bothered to ask, and I know its an awkward conversation, but its better than them thinking all sorts of other things about me! Last week, EVERYONE was invited to ice cream, ... oh but not me! They didn't even look at me! Not even the kids I know! I went to Edmonton last weekend, and even strangers there (in YSA) were kind and open to me! Gah! Lets beat up 4th branch ok? Hahaha.
Ok, Im donte complaining. Im going out of my way to say hi more and more often, and maybe one day they won look at me like Im diseased.
And Just for fun, Here's a pic of Nod's new little Teethers! They are bigger now (a couple weeks later)... but here they are just budding!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Guy "Enjoy your drive. Its a pretty nice drive, I actually enjoy the drive from Edmonton to Red Deer a lot more than from Red Deer to Calgary"
Me (in my head I was thinking that I had never noticed much... but out loud I said) "yeah, I guess there is a lot more dead things when you are further south"
Guy "dead things?"
Me (not yet realizing that what I said was incredibly dumb) "yeah like yellow grass and such"
Guy "dead things" (obviously he knew that i hadn't caught on to my own humour yet)
Me (du'uh... so I try to make light of my stupidity) "haha yeah when Im driving you better watch out, I get every little rabbit that runs past that highway!"
When I told my mom, she was KILLING herself laughing... so I thought I'd share a good laugh with everyone today.
Enjoy!!
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