Oh the Dictionary!

Has anyone ever played balderdash? I love that game... you come up with random definitions for wacky words, and then you get to hear the real definition. Well, I read the word "Empirical" in my Poli Sci text book... I have used and read this word before, but not in the context I was now reading it. So I looked it up ion the Oxford English Dictionary (online too ^_^ isnt that cool?) anyways... this was one definition I found... Im going to keep it in mind for my next game of Balderdash... Bwahahaha!

2. That practises physic or surgery without scientific knowledge; that is guilty of quackery. Also of medicines: That is of the nature of a quack nostrum. Cf. EMPIRIC B. 2.


and thats all folks... just wanted you to know what the nature of a quack nostrum is... ^_^

Also... a little Sunshine :D

Wow, I really should have updated my blog a while ago... my last post was so depressing! Life is just so amazing right now! Im so grateful for all the challenges and dissapointments that came this year, cause Im really growing up so much. So, where to start? Well I fell in love with my textbooks... yup... in serious love. I was without internet and a phone and such for a week, so I opened up an english text and fell truley, madly, deeply. I went to bed every night with Elizabeth Barret Browning and Lord Alfred Tennyson swirling in my head!That really got me excited for school... new textbooks and classes! So exciting!
Also, well, I moved out of my parents place! It feels so good to be independant, to always have a clean house, and especially to feel like I have a place to call home. I felt like such a squatter at my parents house... and I just looove being able to go back to my own adorable place. ADORABLE. Its a quaint little two-bedroom apartment that has quite a fair amount of room, and makes me just so happy. Nice shower, great kitchen, good sized rooms. I just love it here :D
Also also... I have a babysitter. I never knew life could be.so.amazing!! Nod loves Miss, she goes to her without objection, and Miss PUTS HER TO SLEEP FOR ME!!! Gah! As a single mom, who has never really experienced this before, I was elated the first time Miss got Nod to bed. Nod is a handful at bed-time. I had been trying so hard to get her down one night, and Miss got there and took over. I washed dishes and made some food while Nod went down without a fuss. *best feeling ever*
 I cried a little, i did a dance, and I gave Miss about a million hugs! Oh, and all she took for payment? My car for an evening... Heck yes I can handle this... arent friends just great? Oh how I love her. I asked her to move in... we will see ;)
Also also also... Court stuff with D is actually worked out now!! He decided to go to mediation, we worked out what we wanted, and have a plan set for 3 years. I pretty much got most of what I wanted (other than the fact that its only for 3yrs) so Im really pumped about that! We went to court and got custody all legalised, so now we are just working on the divorce. I have a friend (who is a former lawyer) helping me fill out the papers this week, then I will serve him on the weekend (i Hope) and a court date will be set. The soonest we could be divorced would be Sept 31st, and of course the latest would be Feb 10th of next year.... But Im really hoping for sep! So, if youve read "the secret" and beleive in putting things out there for the universe to give you, or if your a person of faith who prays to God... please send some prayer our way. We are both praying and thinking positive thoughts for september hahaha
Also also also also... I met a minivan... I think... hahaha ;) of course, there isnt anything going on... just a friend who i keep learning more about. Im definatley liking everything I learn. I geuss meeting someone who isnt a total retard has made me excited about the prospect of dating. Sure I'd like to go on a date with this minivan, but its not even that, its that now i want to go on dates... many... because I feel this new hope that *he* is out there... somewhere.
Enough Also's for ya? Well, Im pretty happy at least... Hope you enjoyed the sunny day!

A dark cloud of memories

Packing and moving and repacking and moving again. De-junking is the worst of it. A box with picture frames of our engagement, one box with a teacup from our wedding. One box contained a beautiful wedding scrapbook, just waiting to be used. On top of the scrapbook was a large bag, filled to capacity with the hundreds of cards we received. Yes, I kept every single one. It wasn't depressing to find them, but I did feel terribly guilty as I realized I had to throw them out. These friends gave of their time to attend our wedding and reception, and gave gifts, and money, and cards of wisdom and love. They invested in us! They believed in us (well some of them did)... and I believed too. I invested time, and money, and gifts, and my whole heart, and what I thought would be my eternity. I invested it in someone who didnt care. I know some of you who read this blog still love D, and I dont mean to offend... but really, he doesnt care. We could have worked it out, I went to counseling, I was willing to overlook some things, or work through them. You know what he said to me? He said he didnt want to waste his money there- that there were things he really had to buy first. A better camera, a new microphone, a new cellphone. All these things more important than our marriage. I know he didnt *really* think that.... but he just didn't get it! He had no idea how much we needed that counselling. he had no idea how hurt I would be when I found out about the lies. He had no idea how hurt I was already. But really, how do you just explain that all to someone in his situation? I tried- I really did. I would beg to talk with him- and he would sleep. I would make him beautiful meals and give beautiful gifts and try to make "talking" and "listening" seem enticing. No such luck. He knew what he was doing, He knew that I didn't know. He felt like I was being too motherly, like I was steering him so hard in one direction that he had to go the other. Maybe he thought that a real conversation would lead me to the truth. Maybe he really knew I would leave. But when I found out about the lies- I gave him another chance. And when i moved out, i still offered him chances. With his anger towards the church there was no resolving our more "normal" marital issues. Every time we talked he had to poke at my beliefs and hurt me to the core. He doesnt mean to hurt me, atleast I hope not, he means to change my mind. I wont be changed tho, I'm the kind of girl who knows who she is.

Yet, sometime... sometimes I feel like a failure. A failure because it didn't work, or maybe a failure because i was stupid enough to think it would work. We were engaged when the first signs of warning had shown their nasty heads. I could have listened to my parents, and my uncle... I could have waited. This could have been avoided. That is why I have to blame myself. sure, D caused the majority of the marital problems, but hey I chose to marry him! I thought that when you are in a serious relationship- when you truly love someone- that you just work through the problems. I didnt realise that, tho I loved him very much, we werent married... and these problems were serving as a warning to NOT move ahead!

And because this was my fault, I feel like I stole these gifts as I unpack them. I wish I could send them back. If I had just called off the engagement - yes just called it off- then I could have resent the gifts that came. I could have thrown out cards. Well, I still did throw them out, maybe I could have sent them back too. There is really nothing I can do with them now- I kept a couple of the really cute ones to cut up and scrapbook with because I really felt too guilty to throw them ALL out! I kept the scrapbook too. It was from my best friend- and it is seriously the cutest thing youve ever seen- so cute i'd post a picture if things were... you know... different.
And things around the house change, and remind me of the changes in life. The beautiful wedding photos above the piano. My Parents, my sisters, my brother... and mine just magically disappeared one day.  pretty good magic eh? I would look at it and think about taking it down... but I didn't. Its absence is as powerful a reminder as its presence. One day that will change tho. Pictures are missing in other places too... but some things remain. Things like the prayers of my littlest brother... "thank you for tress and plants and animals and my family and pleas bless D to find his testimony...", what a believer. I stopped praying for that about 6 months ago. I guess someone has to believe in him still. Ive lost all hope of that, and really I had to... otherwise I would never be able to move on.
And now I sound depressed. And some of you will wonder if I am really ready to move on. Well, I think I am. Ive gone through a hard break up before you know. Sure marriage is different, but I feel I loved that person the same way I loved D. I was lucky that time tho... He left for his mission shortly after, and we had time and space. D and I have this wonderful baby to share for the rest of our lives. oh dear. the rest of our lives. Am I really going to be stuck with him? His anger will probably recede after a couple years, and our conversations wont be as strained. After we get into a better routine with Nod, and after the courts decide what is what... then perhaps it will be normal. The new normal. And one day, some incredibly attractive, strong, handsome, athletic, spiritual, intellectual man (with an awesome truck) will be okay with my kind of normal. *heh*

Im sorry you may have been rained on by the dark cloud of my ramblings... haha... next post will have some sunshine

Giveaway!

No not from me... those will come tho

This one is from inspiremebaby... 

They are giving away a fabulous photgraphy about how to pose a newborn for a shoot... I dont know if youre into photography, but I am! What a fun giveaway!

click on that TODAY cause its the LAST day for this awesome giveaway!

Get your Alma 17 buddy!!

So my dad, he is very spiritual man. This is one of my favorite things about him! He loves the scriptures and other good books and is constantly reading and being enlightened. I hope that when my little Nod gets a bit bigger I can peruse a bit more in his library and get some good reads myself! Im excited to become more spiritual like him as I read my scriptures and other good books, and get to know the Savior.

When my Dad was younger (probably 20 years ago or more) he made a pact with one of his friends to read the Book of Mormon daily. We just went to BC and spent some time with this old friend- He and my Dad have never forgotten a day since... EVER! Isnt that amazing! I wish I could say that about myself!! Dads friend told us that he calls dad his "alma 17 buddy"... heres why. (I added the red and bold to make my point)



"And now it came to pass that as Alma was journeying from the land of Gideon southward, away to the land of ^aManti, behold, to his astonishment, he ^bmet with the ^csons of Mosiah journeying towards the land of Zarahemla.

  2 Now these sons of Mosiah were with Alma at the time the angel ^afirst appeared unto him; therefore Alma did rejoice exceedingly to see his brethren; and what added more to his joy, they were still his brethren in the Lord; yea, and they had waxed strong in the knowledge of the truth; for they were men of a sound understanding and they had ^bsearched the scriptures diligently, that they might know the word of God.

  3 But this is not all; they had given themselves to much prayer, and ^afasting; therefore they had the spirit of prophecy, and the spirit of revelation, ...

  4 And they had been teaching the word of God ... having had much ^asuccess in bringing many to the ^bknowledge of the truth; ...

  5 ... they had many afflictions; they did suffer much, both in body and in mind, such as hunger, thirst and fatigue, and also much ^alabour in the spirit." Alma 17:1-5

Dad and his friend were just like the sons of Mosiah and Alma. They rejoiced when they saw each other, and they were even more happy to know that both of them had stayed true to this promise to read the Book of Mormon. Through their reading, and fasting, and prayer they both have come to know the Lord. They both are striving to teach what they have learned to others (dads an institute teacher and his friend is on High Council). They both had sorrows to share, but also joys... joys in the gospel and sharing it!

Anyways, after hearing about all of this -well Ive know about the deal my whole life- but after hearing the friend call Dad his alma 17 buddy I decided to find my own! Ive been thinking a lot about it, and praying about who I should ask. Tuesday night I was out with a good friend and she was struggling and I felt impressed to invite her to the challenge. I dont think she will be the only one I ask though, shouldnt everyone have this great oppourtunity? So, I am extending this to all of my readers... Find yourself an Alma 17 buddy... and if you want it can be me! Send me a message so I know, and when we see eachother next we can rejoice that we are still sisters and brothers in Christ.

Love to All

Wink

I was just in the middle of writing this blog full of complaints about life and loss and everything... then, through a friends blog, I came across this. Now Im headed downstairs to hold my little miracle. You know, I was shocked to find out I was pregnant. Shocked. I honestly thought I was going to have a tough time getting pregnant, but three months married and the test said yes... yes... a baby. I remember a couple months later, the phone call from the doctors office- a girl. I couldn't be more happy. Now that things arent really going the way I expected, I get so frustrated... Sometimes I wish i had more help, sometimes I wish I had someone to share her with, sometimes I wonder why Heavenly Father gave me this child when He knew we would end up without D. Tonight though, tonight I just say a prayer of thanks for my angel. She is my light. She took me from darkness, she delivers me from the evil that surrounds. I do not know if i could have been this strong if I didnt have her to fight for. I am sorry that D does not get to share this with me, sorry for him. She truly is a wonderful and special child of God.

"And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have ^atasted of his love, and have received a ^bremission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own ^cnothingness, and his ^dgoodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of ^ehumility, ^fcalling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing ^gsteadfastly in the faith of that which is to come" Mosiah 4:11

I dont think that by "nothingness" we are meant to think less of ourselves, but to understand how lost we would be withou our Lord. I am watching it firsthand, I have the Lord and I have everything. I watch others leave the fold and lose everything. I am full of gratitude for my little girl, whose kisses and hugs and smiles are constantly reminding me of the Lord's great Love for me.

Oh How I Love a Good Picture!!

 here are two of the fabulous photos from our family shoot! Brittany Curry is so talented! check her out on Facebook... Brittany Curry Photography!

you can check the rest of mine out on my facebook account if you want- I just wanted a little more privacy so my friends can see all of them on my profile- Once again, Thanks Britt!