A work in progress

A work in progress... that could describe me, but it also describes this post. I keep editing it.

I was reading through some old blog posts (avoiding writing my Poli Sci assignment, *shh* dont tell) and I came across a few different sections that stuck out to me.I realised a few things. I noticed that I rush to judgement too quickly.

For instance... In my first week of Institute here, I complained about 4th branch. I felt like the members treated me like a lepar because I was different. Well, Ive got to take that back. The great thing about 4th branch is that *everyone* is different!! I feel so included now, and I owe that all to my friend Faws. He is an outgoing guy, with one foot in my world (he is a dad) and one foot in theirs (because he is a YSA). He reached out to me simply by including me in conversations about child support and parenting. One day while we were talking after institute, Nod kept dropping her soother. Faws made this fun competition to see who would be the first to pick it up for me. That is how I first became reaquainted with Kingsley. In that older blog post about institute, I had been upset that Kingsley had not ackowledged me because we had met years ago. However, I had not know that not only is he really shy, but also he did not recognize me (I do look quite different). After institute one night Faws invoted me to go out for cocoa with what became known as "The clique". Now, I did not come up with this name. Im an all inclusive type girl, but it seems that there were about 4 regulars that came to every party I threw, even when I invited more. Mack, Liss, Faws, and Kings.  They have each become dear friends, and those girls have really helped lift my spirits. Through them I got to know everyone else in the branch. Nobody really cares that I have a baby, in fact she is here everytime they come over, and they invited me to bring her toboganning last week, and bowling this week. Great bunch of ppl here, and I just judged them too too fast.

Again about judging. The next section I found in my old posts was at a time when I was quick to judge someone to be good. Met this guy from the big city at a wedding in my town, thought he was great, found out he was merely human (aka the kind way of saying not great, -which is the kind way of saying terrible), and I wrote this post about "what to shop for" when dating. I said (and I quote) ..."And Im learning already! It seems that passing a safety inspection is not enough anymore... or maybe it was never enough and I just thought it was. I mean, just because a car can brake does not mean it has the horse power to speed out of a dangerous situation!!  So I ask all sorts of questions, all the right questions too.. and so far Ive been given the right answers usually. At first I thought it was the answers that mattered, but that's what got me into trouble before!! A safety check is too easy, everyone knows what they are supposed to answer. D knew the right answers when we were dating, but that didnt mean he had his own real testimony of Christ." As I read this portion of my post, the portions I highlighted stood out to me again. Passing an inspection has never been enough- I was oh so wrong about that- most men that are raised in the church know what kind of answers to give. I think this is also where I went wrong with D. He talked the talk, but after we were married, it turned out taht he didnot walk the walk.

Oh and by ''inspection', I meant the list of questions, like does he go to church, is he an RM, does he sing, does he have a good job, blue eyes, want 6 kids... blah blah blah, whatever your preference. Well, just because a man/boy went on a mission doesnt mean he is wise, or responsible, or diligent or righteous. Does he know where the line is, and will he respect that line? Now thats a better question, one you tend to find out only by watching. Cause that "mustang convertible" that I mentioned, he gave me some great answers when we first met, cause, but when I watched he acted in a totally different way.

You see, later on in a different post I say this "Also also also also... I met a minivan... I think... hahaha ;) of course, there isnt anything going on... just a friend who i keep learning more about. Im definatley liking everything I learn. I geuss meeting someone who isnt a total retard has made me excited about the prospect of dating. Sure I'd like to go on a date with this minivan, but its not even that, its that now i want to go on dates... many... because I feel this new hope that *he* is out there... somewhere." PFFFFFFT minivan? Sure he was my aunts hometeacher, but he was NOT a nice safe, righteous guy! He knew the right answers, he knew how to make himself look good, but he was simply manipulative and bad. Again, through observation I got to know this before too long.

Another thing I learned from reading my blog, is that I talk about men and dating TOOOOO much. Or is it? Well it sure is a lot! Since my separation I have mentioned 1.)Mr Met at a wedding  2.)Mr. My Aunts Home Teacher 3.)Faws (the Dad) 4.)Kingsley. Now only 75% of that list did I think of dating, there was one who was always just a friend... and there is another one who has yet to fail my list. But that doesnt mean I need to ramble about them on here now does it?

Well, its a good place to put my ideas, even if the whole world *could* read them... Im sure they dont. I only have 30 followers, and maybe along they way they learn a thing or two, like hmm... what have you learned?


Well I dont know, better question is, what have I learned? Does hindsight give me better vision for the future?
Well, there is only one from that list that is current. Kingsley, probably one of my bestest friends right now. Things have been different with him, a good different. Partially because I took my time getting to know him, partially because he wasnt as inherintly evil as others and could not be tossed out as easily.

My girlfriend, Peru, taught me of a thing called "dissinterest". Caring for someones well-being, but not for their romance. Correct me if Im wrong on that definition Peru... I feel I am doing alright in this aspect with Kings. I notice that he has not failed me, but I try not to get caught up in feelings of romance. I try to be logical, and enjoy the friendship. I guess his mom says that people our age can never be 'just friends'. From the amount I talk about him I bet my Mom would say the same. But I havent asked the tough questions yet, so I remain partially removed. The tough questions would be the ones I neglected when dating D- sacrifice, hard work, testimony, weakness. Im not sure when to ask these intense questions.


Its not like you can bring up chastity on a first date, well, if you can, let me know now! In fact, some things you may only ever bring up indirectly, but some answers you may only get if you directly ask. How the heck do you do that? help me out here sisters!! Whom of you think you have a fantastic husband, and how did you get him? I mean, partially its living the right way, being able to attract the right kind of guy... but some questions just have to be asked, and Im not sure how or when. I want to ask now, I dont want to have fallen in love by the time I find out he has the same issues as D. That would be killer. (btw, when I say 'he' Im not referring to a specific someone, just any eventual 'him')


Which brings me to my final quote from myself "I am going to b the worst date ever. the poor guy will be thinking 'oh she has a nice face, and she is smart and maybe I should take her out again' and I'll be thinking 'ok he's attractive and righteous and LETS GET MARRIED AND HAVE A BABY' haha... well i hope im not *that* bad. Maybe I should direct said future guy to my blog so he knows what he is gettin himself into by dating me. Or maybe not. haha"... Haha, well, perhaps directing said guy to this blog post would be an easy answer. I could post the tough questions right here!!

Orrrr maybe not. The thing about this quote is that I really do feel like Im being more picky than others. I need to be picky, but I feel like its going to be annoying for whomever I date. Even Kingsley, for instance, doesnt seem as picky as I am in the girls he wants to date.

and long story short, Nod is awake, after many edits, this is still a massive rambling journal online. Enjoy, or not.


XO
Wink ;)