A Shining Citadel

Well, the other night as I drove home from the church, I came around a bend and found myself at the top of the most beautiful hill.  It is one of my favorite parts of the city, because at night, for a few seconds as you drive by, you can see the lights of the city. There are mostly trees, a LOT of trees, in this city, which I appreciate in their own time, but you can hardly ever see lights. Not only are there so many trees to cover the city lights, but the buildings here arent shining and magnificent, like the big Calgary or Edmonton, or even the other small city I lived in before. I miss the cityscape effect late at night. Only in very few spots can I see even a small bit of what I enjoyed back there, which is why I love the top of this hill. Anyways, for a second, I squinted a bit, and I felt at home. As if I was back again, looking across the coulies to the city lights, the university, the water tower, the reds and yellows of cars coming and going, the reds and greens of traffic controls. Not kidding you, every single time I would driveback there at night I would be in awe of the lights. EVERY time. It never got old. and I miss it so much. 

I loved it so much that it once inspired a song.

"Driving to you tonight I am mesmerized,

by the sight 

of the city lights

shining bright 

and remember when 

the world first enticed my eyes".

The song was also inspired by an institute lesson where we learned that Christ is Light. Light is Christ. Whenever I would gaze at these lights I would begin to imagine him, there, with me, everywhere I went. Shining. 

So, as I drove home from the church, my mind went back to that old song, and then to that institute lesson about the Light of Christ within me. I was driving home, squinting at these lights and I thought of me.

I thought, Im kind of like that. Im not totally dark, like D, and Im not a shining citadel like *some* people I know... but if you squint just the right way, you can see how my light is becoming something. I have potential. One day, I too can be that shining citadel. 

 

I remember learning in High School that a citadel was a strong place, that cannot be taken... and I guess in a way I have already shown that part of myself. When the devil came knocking at the door of my home, I refused to let him in. I tried for a year and a half to bring the spirit into my home, and when there was no better option, I went running. I was the strong place that would not be taken. My testimony, a fortress. Sometimes now I do not feel as strong as I once did. The day I drove away from my husband I never expected this to happen. I thought I was making a stance, I thought he would come around, change his mind and start obeying some rules so he could have us back. I thought that eventually, he would believe. I had to have hope. 

Now my hope has changed. Now I hope to become like that shining city I love so much. The city I was forced to leave, but long to be like. Full of the Light of the Savior. Shining brightly in the dark nights of these the last days. 

I hope to become a great mother, to raise my sweet baby up in the ways of the Lord.

I hope to become a great student, filled with both knowledge and wisdom.

And I hope one day, to be blessed to be a great wife, a loving, compassionate best friend to a man who will shine on with me. 

A little more about my song. It is probably one of my favorite three. It begins by mentioning city lights, and moves on to the glory of the stars, then the moon, and finally the Sun. Okay, you may not beleive me, but in describing this song I have never used the word glory before, and I only now saw the comparison with the Plan of Salvation.... huh... neat.  In my song I more meant to show that I was in awe of these small lights, when the sun is really the most awe inspiring, lighting up our entire earth, warming soil, and beings, and air. The sun, like the Son, truly light our world. Compared to him I am but a street lamp, but I see my potential.

Here is the last verse of my song:

"Sun rises on the land, I watch the miracle while holding the hand

of the only one I trust to withstand

the darkness, you are smiling and

the sun rise is slow, I need you to know

the beauty of the light within

the darkness that the night can bring

this miracle we're watching in the skies

is the Son reflecting in your eyes"